Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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