White coat. Heels.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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