i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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