Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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