I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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