He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize