don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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