Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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