The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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