When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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