Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize