I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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