can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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