If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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