Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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