I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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