i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize