covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize