Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Let's paint friendship bongs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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