at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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