Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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