It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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