I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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