I want to walk on stilts...naked
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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