I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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