Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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