He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize