i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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