I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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