I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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