Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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