Fine. I'll sleep in my office
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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