so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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