I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
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Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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