You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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