I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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