I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
As shirtless as possible
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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