I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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