I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize