there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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