i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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