I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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