The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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