I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
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Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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