I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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