He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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