You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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