Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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