What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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