I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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