After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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